A new study from the prestigious-sounding National Institute of Questionable Science (NIQS) has delivered a startling revelation: children who used to flip their eyelids inside-out are 87% more likely to grow into adults who commit “high-level offenses” such as stealing WiFi, cutting in the Costco line, or returning things to Target without a receipt.
According to lead researcher Dr. Eliana Blinks, the habit is a “gateway stunt,” especially since 92% of eyelid-flippers also attempted that unnervingly demonic sleepover voice to terrify their cousins. The report wraps up by noting that while these grown-ups aren’t actual criminals, they are prone to behaviors like “power-walking through malls for no discernible reason” and “laughing at totally inappropriate times,” which apparently still made the list.
Leave a Reply